With Burton driving I started pulling my notes together so I could email Reid as much journal as possible as soon as I had an internet signal. Looking at the pictures, I realized I had made a huge mistake. I would regret not taking the time to finish. But, Burton was whistling so I let my regrets remain silent until I couldn’t stand it any longer. I told him going home was a mistake and that I was going to make plans to go back. The brakes on the truck almost screeched as what I said sunk in. Burton was incredulous. We had already driven 700 miles toward the farm and he must have felt I was in perfect harmony with him. But, I felt depressed and unfilled. It only got worse with every homeward mile.
From Kansas I knew we would get home tonight and depression really hit me. I absolutely hate not finishing a goal. I knew that I was going back to the PCT, and that I would go as soon as I could.
At the farm, the caretaker asked if I was happy I was home and I just told him a blunt “no.” Burton put his head down. I guess he felt it would go away in a few days after we settled in.
It only got worse. The farm really didn’t need him, his work didn’t need him and I was miserable. I emailed some hiker friends who I knew would understand. But they just saw the wonderful trip I had experienced. I saw a goal not being attained. No one understood.
August 18 - September 1
For 14 days I buried myself in one stupid project after another hoping that I would finally let it go. As luck would have it I was still getting weather reports from the west coast and the weather on the Pacific Crest was unseasonably warm and expected to remain that way for the entire month of September. On September 1st I knew I was going back and I was going back in September.